LEAN INTO IT

I Failed Thermodynamics Twice So You Don't Have To (Storing Meat for the Neurodivergent)

a man in a gray shirt is taking a selfie.
Braeden Parrott
a knife in a chalk tomato graffiti style

ADHD Kitchen Panic: Defrosting Meat (Fast!) So You Can Actually Eat Tonight

Look, We Both Know You Forgot To Thaw The Meat.

You had every intention of pulling out the ground beef or chicken breast or turkey yesterday, but here we are:

  • 5pm
  • Dinner is meatballs
  • Kids are already complaining that they're hungry
  • Meat is still in the deepfreeze at -20.

Don't panic. I'm going to show you how to cheat-code the W without having to throw it into the microwave and get a half-cooked meatberg. This will require a touch of work on the front end before we're truly successful, so we'll cover that first and the why.

Step 0: The Pre-Game. Flatten Before Freezing.

But wait, that's not helpful now. Yes, I'm aware. I'm sorry, this isn't going to pull your ass out of the fire tonight unless you've prepared to be in this situation already.

When you buy your ground beef (or chicken, or turkey), you need to portion it. Note: This will be easier if you have a kitchen scale but you can still sort of eyeball it.

1. Pull out your kitchen scale and place the whole club pack on it, then zero it (Yes, it will read 0g when it's on there)
2. Grab yourself a stack of medium ziploc freezer backs
3. Grab a good handful of meat (think like you're going to pick up a pound of butter, that shape)
4. Place it in the bag, note the weight on the scale. Add till it says -450g (454g if you want to be PRECISE).
5. Repeat until all your meat is gone. If you've got some leftover and it's under 225g, distribute evenly to your bags. If it's 225g thereabouts, store it because that's half a pound and you're fine. If it's more than that just note it on the bag.
6. Now, take a large frying pan or a cutting board and put it over a bag with your meat lump in it. Press it flat until the meat inside reaches the zipper of the plastic bag.
7. Try and get it so it's evenly flat and press the air out of it as best you can.

"But why should I press the air out of it?"

Because air is an insulator and you know you won't have time for that later.


8. Zip it up. Repeat for the rest. You should now have a stack of thin meat sheets, like horrifying playing cards. You're aiming for about 1/2" to 3/4" thickness.
9. Fight the urge to “just remember.” Label your shit.

  • Sharpie the bag with something like:
    • GR.BEEF - MAR 28
    • GROUND TURKEY - 03/28
    • GB/MAR? <- still better than nothing, just barely

10. Stack them in your freezer. You now have a deck of 1 lb meat cards ready to save your ass next time ADHD decides that vacuuming the ceiling was more important than meal prep.

Okay, we've now successfully set ourselves up for success, successfully.

Step 1: Cold (not Warm) Running Water

Yes, I know, it sounds slow, but it's pretty quick.

This is the real-life, no-bullshit way to defrost a pound of meat in ~20 minutes, without cooking the edges or summoning bacteria.

Here’s the move:

  • Take one of your frozen meat cards (see Step 0, you absolute legend)
  • Keep it sealed in the bag
  • Submerge it in cold water—preferably with running tap flow, but you can stir it occasionally if you're saving water or too lazy to let it run

Set a timer (you know you're not going to, so give alexa or hey google a shout out). Walk away. Come back in 15–20 minutes. Done.

Now... the nerd tangent.

Skip this if you're already stressed, distracted, or allergic to equations. Scroll down to the TL;DR and pretend this part was just a cool science ghost that passed through you.

Still here? Fuck yeah. Let’s talk thermodynamics.
What's actually happening when you drop frozen meat into water?
The water's transferring heat INTO the meat. The faster you move heat, the faster meat defrosts. And that depends on three main things:

1. Temperature Difference - the bigger the gap between the frozen meat and water, the faster heat moves.
2. Surface area - Flat meat = more contact = faster thaw (remember that?)
3. Fluid motion - Still water is lazy. Flowing water forces the water that's given its heat up to exit the area and allows the warmer water to take up residence.

In ultimate nerdspeak:
You're increasing your Reynolds number (turbulence) and therefore your Nusselt number (convection), so you get better Q (heat transfer rate) from your equation, which is:

Q=h⋅A⋅ΔT

Where:

  • Q = how fast heat is moving
  • h = how effective the water is at doing the job (turbulence linked)
  • A = surface area
  • ΔT = (Δ = difference) = temperature difference between meat and water

Don't worry about memorizing that, just know this:
Cold running water is better than warm still water. Even though it's colder, it moves more heat, faster, safely, without cooking or breeding bacteria.

TL;DR:

  • Use cold tap water, not warm
  • Flowing/stirred water > still water
  • keep it in the bag
  • Set a timer, because you'll forget